The Pursuit of Positivity

This is not an easy thing for me. Especially lately. I am not prone to positive thinking. I'm a worrier, an over-analyzer, an anxious heart. Cultivating a "positive mind" and feeling "positive vibes" takes serious work, and sometimes no matter how hard I try I simply can't get myself into a sunshine-and-rainbows state of being. I feel guilty, too, because I keep catching myself slipping into complainer-mode lately when chatting with a friend, family member, or even my husband. No one likes a Debbie Downer, regardless of how legitimate your grievances may be. I do have good intentions though; I do strive for a positive mind and those illusive positive vibes. But my emotional wellbeing is so unsteady at this point that even the slightest bump in the road can throw the Positivity Train way off track. And the Motivation Caboose (or is it the engine?) goes right with it, over the Cliff of Despair and into the Valley of Self-Loathing. 

Anyway, that not very well-crafted metaphor is a vague description of how I've been feeling today. Yet I know this is true: if you think positive and believe positive, you will feel positive. So here's a pep talk for myself (and maybe you, too): Your life is what you make it to be. It is not easy—it is not without challenges or negativity—and it certainly isn't "fair," but hiding from or wallowing in the hard things, the disappointing things, the scary things, won't make your days any better. And they definitely won't make your dreams come true. The only thing that will improve the situation is to take action—to hop back on that metaphorical train—and keep moving forward, remembering that small steps every day are better than no steps at all and that sometimes rejection or failure is pointing you on to something better.

While searching for inspiration to pull me out of my funk earlier today, I found these words particularly comforting and re-energizing: You were never created to live depressed, defeated, guilty, condemned, ashamed or unworthy. You were created to be victorious.

Powerful, right? While re-reading those words and typing them now it hit me that there is great power in positive thinking (and, as I know firsthand, great paralysis in the opposite). And not just the power to feel better in the day to day but to actually create a happy, purposeful and, yes, victorious life. I've always admired people who seem to possess a sort-of innate optimism, my husband being one of them, but I realize now how important it is to cultivate that quality in myself. Positive mind, positive vibes... Positive life. 

(image source)

Breathe and Reboot

This week seemed to fly by in the blink of an eye. Actually, make that the last two weeks. Which is kind of a good thing, seeing as my Coastie hubby is still stuck with his boat in dry dock, only returning home to our new, still-unsettled apartment for all-too-quick weekend visits. (At this point, I feel like I live in New Jersey and he lives in Rhode Island.) His absence is a little more bearable when I'm busy. 

And I have been fairly busy since the movers finally delivered our stuff on the last day of June. Almost every day last week I spent knee deep in cardboard and packing paper, opening and unloading as many boxes as I could. (And, sadly, cataloging broken and damaged goods for claims forms—yippee! Military moves are FUN.) G and I then enjoyed a low-key Fourth of July weekend, with a picnic on our balcony and watching the fireworks from our apartment, before he had to travel back to RI Sunday night. 

When I awoke Monday morning I proceeded to write a laundry list of things to do in the week ahead. (Laundry not being one of them, but in hindsight it should have been on the list.) Now that it's Friday, I'm looking at those scribbled tasks and feeling like I didn't get nearly all the things I wanted to accomplished. Sure, I inventoried all the stuff we have and don't need that can be donated and set up a pickup with the Salvation Army. I researched local vets and groomers and scheduled an appointment for our furbabies to get clean. (Jasper is in desperate need of a bath and a good brushing.) And, happily, I applied to two magazine jobs—which, to be honest, commanded most of my energy and focus the last three days. 

As a result, there are still many boxes left to unpack and rooms to organize and claims forms to submit. Plus, there is so much content I have been planning to share here, including our road trip from Florida to Jersey, our first adventure into NYC, recipe and wedding posts... So stay tuned. But for now, I'm going to hit pause on my stress, pick just one more task to tackle and then be proud of what I did get done this week. 

Sometimes you just gotta breathe and reboot. And when all else fails to quell the overwhelm: Puppy snuggles. Works like a charm.

(Top image of our new doormat from Target,

bottom photo of my little unpacking helper)

Thoughts on a Summer Evening

One of my favorite things about my evening walks in Weehawken (other than the view of NYC) is seeing fireflies dancing around the sidewalk and front yards. As a SoCal native, I had never seen fireflies in person so witnessing one a few weeks ago was quite the thrill. I was in awe with each blink of light.

Now, I have to say, fireflies are not all that pretty in their non-illuminated state. Some insect-phobic people like myself might call them strange looking, ugly even, and maybe a little scary. I truly don't enjoy when they fly up near me or my face. (It's the same way I felt about all the colorful dragonflies buzzing around in Florida, no matter how many times my husband assured me that they wouldn't bite or sting. I like bugs to keep their distance, pleaseandthankyou.)

However, fireflies are incredibly beautiful when they let their light shine. And they are even more stunning when strengthened by a community of their peers, their friends and family.

So, yes, they might just be weird little beetles with glowing lanterns on their tails—that's very scientific of me, right?—but they gave me a lot to think about during my evening walk last night and a few good reminders for us human folk:

Let your light shine. Don't dim your spark. Share your gifts. 

And surround yourself with people who encourage that inner glow.

(Photographs by Tsuneaki Hiramatsu 

via Smithsonian Magazine)

I've Wanted to Be Here My Whole Life

The view from our apartment.

We arrived in our new town of Union City around 6 o’clock on June 5, exactly two weeks ago. After checking out (for the first time!) our new digs and unloading the car, we decided to take the dogs out for a much-needed long walk since they had spent the bulk of three days in a cramped backseat. Plus, we wanted to get a lay of the land and see what our new neighborhood was all about. 

We ended up running into a couple other dog owners, all friendly, who offered their knowledge of the area, including (upon my asking) exactly where to take our pups to relieve themselves in this concrete jungle. As I told one guy who called Union City the ‘burbs, this is a very urban suburbia to us native Southern Californians. No manicured sidewalks with miles of grass here. (I won’t even get into all the honking and the sirens and the general perpetual noise.) Anyway, both the couple and the man we spoke to insisted that we stroll a couple blocks thataway to JFK Boulevard East “to see what (we) moved here for.” We listened. And once we got to the Weekhawken waterfront, we were greeted with the most spectacular view of the New York City skyline, just beginning to light up the sky as the sun was setting. 

We continued walking along the path and gawking at the incredible scene just across the Hudson River, which until then I had really only seen on TV and in movies. The view seemed to get better and better as we went along, and I took another photo every couple steps. When we decided to turn back and head home—and in search of dinner—I stopped my husband first for one last look.

NYC at night, the illuminated Empire State Building taking center stage.

“Come here,” I said, motioning him to my side. “Let’s have a moment.”

I put my arm around G as we looked across the Hudson at the twinkling city lights. Moving is tough, military life can be tough, but I wanted us to have a moment where we just felt happiness and all the possibility before us.

“That’s New York City,” I said. “I’ve wanted to be here my whole life.”

And then I got all watery-eyed. I’m a sap like that. 

“My whole life” is an exaggeration to be sure, “since high school” might be more accurate, but it sure feels like I’ve waited forever. And now I’m finally here.

#####

When I wrote this post a week or so ago, before we had internet, the next sentence was an optimistic plea: "Let's make the most of it!" Even when I typed it the first time it didn't feel quite right, but I tried to trick myself into a mood of hopefulness and positivity by tapping into the feeling I had our first night in Jersey.

The truth is, our transition has not gone smoothly, and that's putting it mildly. The hubs has been in Rhode Island for 12 days and we're both still not sure when he'll be back. Each day some new problem pops up, delaying his return. And all our stuff from Florida has yet to be delivered. All our boxes hadn't even been weighed or placed on a moving truck on Monday, the estimated move-in date. So I'm still living in a mostly-empty apartment, sitting on the hardwood floor, sleeping on an air mattress, cooking with few kitchen utensils (I bought a couple cheap items at the store the other day) and growing increasingly tired of the limited clothing options I packed when we left St. Pete.

I'm actually starting to get used to the whole set-up and having my husband gone. But that doesn't make it feel any better. Except for two crazy mutts, I'm all alone in an unfamiliar place. Nevertheless, I am trying my best to regain that excited, the-world-is-your-oyster feeling, to find joy in small things and to know that there must be a light at the end of this tunnel—even if I can't quite see it yet.

Because once we're on the other side, I'm going to want to make the most of it.

View from Hamilton Park, a frequent stop on our morning and afternoon walks.

Adjusting the Sails

Life has been stressful lately, to say the least. In preparing for our big move to New Jersey, things have not gone smoothly. In fact, it seems that everything that can go wrong has gone wrong. We had major problems with the movers, problems with selling my car, problems with finding a place to live... and a few more hiccups here and there. Last week felt like one massive migraine. This week, G and I are slowly starting to turn this stormy ship we're on toward safe harbor (Coast Guard pun intended) and I am trying to be optimistic (not my strong suit) that things will truly get better soon. The movers are coming today—they're expected any minute now—and our life in our St. Pete one-bedroom apartment is half undone, waiting to be boxed up. The movers are set to return tomorrow to load everything into the truck and then the four of us, pups Jasper and Cali included, will be on our way up north. The hubs and I have plans to stop in Savannah and D.C. before we make it to Union City, our soon-to-be home base, on Friday, though we won't have too much time to explore. But I'm hoping to make the most of our mini-road trip, and hoping that we'll feel happy and relaxed by the time we get to the Garden State.

(Louisa May Alcott quote print 

by Lisa Congdon)

One Year

Today is G and I's first wedding anniversary. Looking back now, it seems like this first year of marriage just flew by. We've experienced so much together. Good things and bad things. Exciting things and scary things. Fun times and challenging times. We moved across the country together, set up our first home as a married couple together. Welcomed a second fur baby into the family. Made new friends together. Explored St. Pete and made some wonderful memories. And now we're going to be moving again, to an unfamiliar place, together. We've had to make some tough decisions in this military life and face a lot of uncertainty at times, but there's no one I'd rather do it with, no one I'd rather have by my side. There is so much to look forward to, new places to discover, new things to learn about each other, new challenges to conquer together.

365 days down. A lifetime to go.

(Photos by heidi-o-photo)

FRI-YAY

Hey there, Friday! Wow, this week went quick. And unfortunately, I'm looking back and feeling like I wasn't all that productive. I had a modest to-do list I wanted to get through—go to the pet store, go to the drug store, go to Target, work on my anniversary gift for G—and yet motivation eluded me the past few days. Monday I had a nice, long phone date with a dear friend. Tuesday was mostly spent voraciously reading a new book. (I won't go into too much detail, but related to this post.) On Wednesday, the hubs and I logged many, many hours looking at rental listings after hearing back from our realtor, and we may have settled on a place; though I'm a bit nervous about it since it means compromising on one of our key must-haves. Yesterday I begun planning a little going-away party for us and then did what seemed like an unending pile of dishes before getting ready for a night out with my love. We went to The Dali Museum (more on that later) and then our fave Italian eatery in downtown St. Pete. And today I woke up early to take my fur baby to the vet, to finally get snipped. He's in recovery and the doc said he did well; we'll pick him up tomorrow morning but I am missing that fluff ball sitting on the couch next to me while I online window shop for home decor (and pin my faves)! So. Even though I didn't make a dent in my to-do list, it wasn't all that bad of a week after all. And Friday isn't over yet, so there's still time to be productive, right? Another to-do: going to the grocery store and figuring out a healthy dinner (since we had creamy pastas and the most decadent chocolate marsala cake last night). I'm thinking of making a fresh, colorful salad like this (without the  bacon, and farro instead of barley since we have it) or maybe sweet potato and black bean burritos. All I got to do is... go to the damn store.

Wishing you a happy weekend! Productive or restful, whichever you like.

(calligraphy image by me)

May Days

Happy anniversary, Mom and Dad! My parents have been married today for 36 years. That's a long time! And if I ever had trouble remembering their wedding anniversary date in the past, I think I will always remember it now—it is exactly one week before ours. Yay for May! It's always been my favorite month (in my favorite season), and so many good things happen in May: Cinco de Mayo, Mother's Day, Memorial Day weekend, wedding anniversaries, of course, and even our pup Jasper's birthday is this month! May is a time of change though. Last year, right after our May wedding, we moved across the country to Florida, and at the end of this month we'll be moving to New Jersey. As people keep asking about our impending move, where we'll live, if I've started job hunting, etc., my stress levels have been climbing higher and higher. But I'm trying to remain positive and remember all the good things. Like love. And family.

So happy anniversary, Mom and Dad! Wishing you more happy years together. Cheers to you this beautiful May day!

(Photos from our wedding, taken by heidi-o-photo)

Real Estate Wishes (and Reality Checks)

After months of waiting for an answer, we finally found out about two weeks ago that we were released from military housing when we move to New Jersey at the end of May. It's good news. It's what we wanted. We won't have to live in an apartment on Staten Island. But it's scary good news, because it means the pressure is on to find a place to live before G has to report for work June 8. The hubs has been looking at rental listings online since last fall, and now that it's closer to go time I've been looking, too. But, per usual with this military life, I'm realizing that we are going to have to make a lot of compromises, some sacrifices, in this house hunt. We got what we wanted, in terms of getting out of being forced to live in Sector New York's military housing, but we likely will not get exactly what we want in our next home.

Here's our wish list: 

• Single-family house, duplex or town home. (We are trying to get away from apartment-style living.) After a year in 750-square-foot apartment, we're hoping for 1,000-square-feet.
• At least two bedrooms (one for an office) and one bathroom, though two would be preferable.
• Walkable neighborhood, close to shops, restaurants, bars and parks. Hoboken would be ideal but likely out of our budget, so we're also searching in Jersey City, Weehawken and Union City, as well parts of Brooklyn.
• A home with a yard, even if it's a small one, for the dogs. This is why apartments and condos don't work.
• Windows! I don't need a view but I do need natural light. I'm tired having just a couple windows on just one side of the building, another reason we are trying to avoid apartments and condos. 
• Large, clean (if not updated) kitchen with plenty of counter space and storage. We love to cook and we have a lot of kitchen tools and dining pieces.
• Large master closet. We're bursting at the seams with our humble walk-in closet now and I still have a box of clothes that I never unpacked when we moved in last June!
• Plenty of storage. We had to rent a 10x10 storage unit when we moved from our two-bed, two-bath condo in San Diego to our one-bed, one-bath St. Pete apartment. It's an expense we don't want to carry to Jersey. 

As you can see, we have quite the extensive wish list (but not an overly generous budget), which is why I know we are going to have to compromise somewhere along the way. We've already done a lot of searching and found nothing that checks all the boxes, and our favorites get snapped up right away. (That real estate game is fierce!) We even reached out to a New Jersey realtor last week and he basically came back saying, in so many words, that we couldn't afford to live in our preferred areas, even though we've casted a wide net in that regard. (He then proceeded to send us listings upwards of $3,000/month. Safe to say we won't continue using his services.)

While we are not buying our first home, this rental house hunt feels just as important. We moved to St. Petersburg right after we got married, so even though we lived together for a year in G's San Diego condo, Florida was going to be our first married home, the first place we got together. The apartment we are in now was supposed to be temporary, which is why we were OK with just one bedroom and one bathroom. But then we found out we wouldn't be staying in St. Pete for three years after all, so we nixed plans to move into something bigger and better and stayed in our transitional living situation. This move to New Jersey feels like our second chance at that "first married home," since we should (fingers crossed) actually be staying in the Garden State for three years.

Our decision also feels important because, if I get my greatest wish, we will be starting a family soon. The home we decide to rent then is where we will have a baby, our child's first home. Maybe I'm putting too much thought into it, but hey, I'm a (emotional, hormonal) woman. I can't help but think of these things and consider the future. 

As discouraging as house hunting can be, whether you're renting or buying, we'll keep on searching because, well, we need somewhere to live! The hardest part really will be that compromise bit. We probably won't find a place in a hip neighborhood with a yard (it's looking bleak), an updated kitchen and two bathrooms. So G and I are going to have to figure out what our priorities are and what we're willing to sacrifice—and hopefully we're on the same page!

Ah, the joys of moving, of marriage, and of military life.

I'll be happy not to have to move again for three years. To stay in one place, for a little while.

(Watercolor New York by Stamen Design 

and Balloons (Midtown, Manhattan) 

by Youngna Park via 20x200)

Oh, Baby

Yesterday, the hubs and I went to a casual house party to watch the Super Bowl, but at the end of the night, after the New England Patriots beat the Seattle Seahawks, I realized that I had spent all of five minutes max actually watching the game. While at first the men and women were mixing and mingling together, inevitably the boys congregated in one room to watch the game (around the smaller TV, funny enough) and the gals lounged on the couch to chat.

Most of the ladies were knew to me—wives of Coasties that G works with at Sector St. Pete. The moment I walked into the home, an adorable 2-year-old girl grabbed me by the hem of my dress and started leading me around, speaking in almost indecipherable baby talk. I quickly learned that her mother (who is five years younger than me) is seven months pregnant with baby No. 2. The sweet blonde toddler then took me by the hand and led me to meet another party guest, who just gave birth to a baby girl eight weeks ago. A little while later, another couple joined the party and I discovered that the wife is two months pregnant.

So, given the ladies assembled, it is no surprise that our attention veered far away from football and our conversation centered around pregnancy, babies and motherhood. (And I surprised everyone with all my strange-things-that-happen-during-pregnancy knowledge. Thanks, mommy blogs!) While there was one other lady there who hasn't given birth and isn't currently knocked up, she has decided that she doesn't want to have kids. I, on the other hand, couldn't feel more differently. 

As a young girl, I always thought I'd have kids by now. But isn't that always how it is? I also thought I'd get married earlier than I did. I know it's not a race, it's not a competition, there's no right or wrong timeline. But with my 30th birthday two months away, my desire to get pregnant sooner than later is stronger than ever. I feel like I have been in a perpetual state of baby fever since G and I tied the knot. I think about boy and girl names, I have way too much fun picking out newborn clothes and gifts for my mama friends, and my heart aches a little when I see a tiny babe, a baby bump or even a "we're expecting!" announcement. (My Facebook feed is full of cute baby pictures, sonogram images and belly shots.)

Of course, like so many other things in my life, this is a situation for which I am not in total control. Due to our travel plans this spring, we initially had to put trying for a baby on hold. While our goal, as newlyweds, was to be pregnant by the end of 2014, our hope now is to have happy news to share this year. Nevertheless, remember that woman I told you about, that just gave birth eight weeks ago? She shared with me that it took her and her husband a year and a half of trying before getting pregnant. Plus, since her husband is assigned to a boat that gets underway for two months at a time, she often flies home to Ohio to be around friends and family who can help with caring for her newborn. So no matter what I hope, dream and plan for, I realize that I will just need to practice patience. And trust in the timing of my life, of my and G's life. It's our story, no one else's, and the baby chapter will come when ... well, I don't know when. Until then, I'll do my best to enjoy this time of my life, right now.

But I'll still dream up and write down new, favorite baby names. I've been doing that since elementary school and there's just no breaking that habit (no matter how many times G vetoes my ideas!).

Any ladies out there that can relate to my struggle? Knowing you need to enjoy the stage of life you're in and not compare yourself to (or wish you had) others' lives?

P.S. This is a good reminder for myself today.

(Dreamcatcher Mobile "Grace" 

by The Big Sky Place)

Purposeful Days : Progress Not Perfection

We're near the end of January and that fact has inevitably lead me to reflect on those goals I made at the beginning of the new year, just a few short weeks ago. While I have made some progress—I launched a 365 project in the hopes of upping my calligraphy game—I feel like I've hit a bit of a slump in other areas (and my MOH duties have, at times, distracted me from my personal pursuits). But I need to continue to push myself forward, be bold and make things happen. Things that will better myself as a person but also, perhaps more importantly, make me feel better about myself. (Eating better, exercising. Feeling like I have purpose.) I was hoping I could dedicate this last weekend of January to making strides forward, but my schedule is already busy. Full of fun things (a girls dinner tonight, Gasparilla tomorrow, Super Bowl Sunday!) but full nonetheless. I guess I need to cut myself some slack. Just not too much slack. 

"Ask yourself if what you're doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow."

It's all about progress, not perfection. I have to afford myself a measure of grace. But I also need to make the most of each beautiful day. I tuned into a webinar with Lara Casey on Wednesday afternoon and my major takeaway was that while you need to be patient with yourself and your goals— especially when making big changes, because results often don't come right away—patience does not mean procrastination. You still need to take action. I need to take action. And be purposeful. Stop the analysis paralysis that I am often guilty of. This is the formula to follow: Action + Patience + Grace = Making It Happen.

Have you made progress on your goals for 2015? Any tips and tricks you've found for pushing yourself forward through a slump?

(Wreath image by Wild Folk Studio, 

Ask Yourself via She Knows, Pink Petals by

Megan Gilger/The Fresh Exchange) 

Blurred Horizons

Sometimes I pretend the future doesn't exist. Even though I know what is coming up down the road, I like to push that knowledge into the recesses of my mind, ignore the mile markers as they pass, and give myself a temporary blind spot. Sometimes I don't want to think about the changes that may lie ahead, the potential problems, until they are no longer on the horizon but right in front of me, staring me squarely in the face, and won't let me pass.

Of course, I know this is juvenile and not beneficial in the slightest. Pretending things, challenges, don't exist doesn't usually work, not for long anyway. So I have to think about it. I have to remove the blind spot.

When I posted in October about the hubs and I making another big move in May/June 2015, I was excited about all the possibilities on the horizon. But that thrilling anticipation of what may be next slowly shriveled up and left a more familiar emotion: uncertainty, which I vaguely revealed here and here, with a bit of hopeful optimism.

Now, when people ask me about New Jersey and New York—like, where are we going to live, have I looked into the job market, what fun things to do plan to do—I answer with a tinge of sadness because I don't have all the answers, and I don't even believe the things I hope for will actually come to fruition.

We picked Bayonne, New Jersey as our next port-of-call for me. Because of it's proximity to New York, the place I've always dreamed of living and working. Of making it big (or, perhaps more realistically, just making it as a teeny-tiny fish) in the magazine world. We had come to St. Pete because that is what G wanted, for his Coast Guard career, and he got his first pick but it didn't turn out as planned. So when it came to deciding where to go next, and after a lot of talking and debating the pros and cons, we ultimately chose a location that would put my dreams within reach while also allowing G to get off land and back on a boat.

But as I've learned, nothing with the military is as it seems. Things don't always go as planned or promised, as those plans and promises can change in the blink of an eye.

We are still moving to Bayonne in May or June. But we have no idea where we are going to live. Thanks to a new USCG rule, we will have to live on base if housing is available. G applied, as required, only to find out that we won't find out until April if we will be forced to live in military housing. We chose Bayonne as the place for G to work, but never intended on living there. But we may have to. And while the hubs loves researching the real estate market and I always tell him it's too soon, now it really does seem like a pointless endeavor.

But there's an even bigger issue at play. Not long after making our moving announcement, the hubs learned that the boat he is slated for, the Sitkinak, is actually home-ported in Sandy Hook, almost an hour-and-a-half drive south from Bayonne, and even farther from Manhattan. After Hurricane Sandy severely damaged the Coast Guard base at Sandy Hook, the Sitkinak was relocated to Bayonne, a fact we were unaware of. Now, the USCG has plans in the works to rebuild at Sandy Hook and we learned that G's boat could be moved back as early as 2016.

This was upsetting news for many reasons. First, it was just weeks after getting married that we moved all the way across the country, from California to Florida. The plan was that we would be in St. Pete for three years, but that is no longer happening. So the idea of moving somewhere else, only to have to move again a year later, is frustrating to say the least.

Second, Sandy Hook isn't exactly close to Manhattan. We never would have picked Sandy Hook if we had seen it listed on the early sea solicitation list. And we only picked Bayonne because it was a hop, skip and a jump away from NYC. So the idea of being shifted to Sandy Hook feels like my Big Apple dreams, our dreams, are being crushed.

I'm holding onto a shred of hope that rebuilding Sandy Hook, like with anything the government plans to do, will take exceedingly longer to accomplish than they say it will. If the rehab does go according to schedule, there's always the option of G commuting to Sandy Hook from, well, wherever it is we are living.

See, these are the kinds of things I don't like to think about. The stuff I don't want to exist. It's so much easier to focus on making the most of our time left in St. Pete than to draw up plans (A, B and C) for how we will handle what's coming down the road. But the future always becomes the present faster than we would like, so I know I can't ignore it forever.

I don't have all, or any of, the answers, nor do I have a sweet ending that can tie up this post with an optimistic and hopeful bow. Sometimes you just have to feel the reality of your situation and accept that you have no control. That last part has been a hard lesson for this still-new military wife to learn, and no matter how many times I've been faced with that clear and simple fact, I'm still learning it. When it comes to this military life, there are no guarantees.

(Central Park and 

West Nineteenth Street (Yellow Dress) 

by Joseph O. Holmes via 20x200)

Wedding Wednesdays : Confessions of a Maid of Honor

Lately, I have weddings on the brain. Not my own; my bestie's. I'm the maid of honor. (Technically, matron of honor, but no one better dare call me that!) The last six months or so, despite being 3,000 miles apart, I have been working hard to be the BEST best-friend-of-the-bride I can be. Which means I am part cheerleader, part counselor, part confidant. I listen, I advise, I encourage. As anyone who has planned a wedding knows, it is an incredibly stressful time, draining physically, mentally and emotionally. Weddings bring up all the feelings, good and bad. So I've been trying to help her navigate those sometimes rocky waters while also always being at least emotionally available (a phone call, text or email away) as her life boat, her life preserver, when the waves of planning, researching, budgeting, and overall decision-making get too much to withstand. While planning my wedding last year, I too, for different but likewise difficult reasons and circumstances, was often overcome by stress and sadness that seemed to push me to the brink. Marielle was there for me. It's my turn to be there for her.

At the same time, I've been trying to uphold my end of the party planning. I am throwing her bridal shower and organizing the bachelorette. Rough plans, ideas, themes have been in the works for months but the actual planning has intensified these last eight weeks as I try to coordinate with the bride, the bridesmaids and other party guests. The bachelorette—a long weekend in San Diego, kicked off with a day of wine tasting in Temecula—is finally booked as of Monday. Other than ordering some fun bachelorette shirts and making restaurant reservations, that party is done, planned. Now I can turn my attention back to the bridal shower, for which I have a venue, a (secret!) theme, some supplies and decor purchased, a general idea of the day's menu, and assignments out to the bridesmaids who are itching to contribute. My primary to-do at this point is to assemble, address and send out the beautiful invitations I ordered. (I promise I'll share all about the shower at some point, I just don't want to spoil the surprise!)

So just like when I was a bride planning my own wedding, being a maid of honor is both fun and hard. I'm excited and exhausted. But also like with my wedding, the thing that makes all the to-do lists and late nights worth it is LOVE. I love my best friend (of 22 years!) and even though she has learned and felt the truth that I discovered a year ago—that planning a wedding can, more often than not, suck the joy out of what society insists should be the happiest time in a young woman's life—I want to give her at least a few truly joyful days where she doesn't think about the stresses of planning, the decisions left to make, how she and her fiancé are going to pay for everything. My dear friend, the bride, deserves days where she just feels filled with happiness, celebrated by the people who love and support her.

Even though it's not always the case, that's what a wedding should be about.

(Photos by heidi-o-photo, bottom image of 
my bestie/MOH toasting G and I at our wedding)

Too Many Tabs Open

This print totally sums up both my brain and my computer this week. 

My laptop, literally, has had an unmanageable, headache-inducing amount of tabs open the past few days as I try to finalize the plans (and all the little details) concerning my best friend's bridal shower and bachelorette party, happening next month in Southern California. I can't wait to share all about these parties but for now some of it is top secret! I can tell you we'll be having her final fling before the ring in sunny San Diego, with a day of wine tasting in Temecula. And! I just got the shower invitations delivered to my doorstep minutes ago and they look amazing. So, all in all, exciting stuff, but there's still lots to do and plan and book. I was up on the phone with the bride-to-be until the wee hours of the morning last night and my cup of hazelnut coffee just isn't enough to remedy having only five hours of sleep.

Second, my brain has been swirling with my own personal to-dos, from the mundane (do the laundry, clean the dishes, schedule doctor appointments and vet visits) to the meaningful (planning for 2015, setting goals, being bold and taking action).

Yes, too many tabs open indeed. So off I go to start closing some... Just gotta breathe, exhale, focus. And get 'er done.

Do you feel like your to-do lists are miles long, too? What tabs are lingering open in your brain?

(Art print by A Pair of Pears)

Goal Digger : Making It Happen in 2015

Happy New Year! Hello, 2015! I ended 2014 with a bang and as a result spent January 1st in recovery mode, on the couch, in PJs, eating Chinese food. Perhaps not exactly the way I wanted to start the new year but, oh well. Today is a new day. And while yesterday wasn't the most productive, I did do one productive thing related to my resolution to be bold, to live with intent, and make things happen: I started reading Lara Casey's new book, "Make it Happen: Surrender Your Fear, Take the Leap, Live on Purpose."

On New Year's Eve, I downloaded the e-book, my first purchase on the Kindle Fire my husband got me for Christmas, and last night, with my hangover finally subsided, I figuratively cracked open the pages.

I'm only on page 35 so far. I've read through chapter one (Stop Chasing Perfect) of section one (Surrender Your Fear) and yet Lara's words already have me feeling uplifted and motivated. But it's not all sunshine and rainbows. The book compels you to face what has been holding you back. In chapter one, I had to think about and write down how "chasing perfect" makes me feel and believe about myself (inadequate), what I am really striving for (happiness, success, significance), what my life would look like if I thew out the "shoulds" (freedom!) and what has stopped me from taking a leap of faith (fear of failure). I also had to answer that seemingly simple but not-always-so-easy-to-answer question, "How are you?" with uncomfortable honesty (a little lost, discontent, uninspired, unmotivated). Most of the time we put on the charade of perfection, that everything is "fine," but the only way one can truly move forward in a positive and productive way is to confront the issues that have been weighing down our body, heart and mind. And that's just what "Make It Happen" does, at least in the first 34 pages. Though I don't doubt there are more stop-and-make-me-think discussions to come.

The lies of perfection and shoulds tell us we aren't enough, but the truth paves a path for us to an abundant life of joy where we are more than enough. -Lara Casey, "Make It Happen"

At the end of chapter 1, there is a "Take Action" step to write a statement and place it somewhere you'll see every day. I'm also going to put it here:

I was created for a purpose, 

and it's time to make it happen!

In addition to reading "Make It Happen," I ordered a set of Lara's PowerSheets, a six-month supply of goal-planning and action-inspiring worksheets (105 in all!). In addition, I purchased Emily Ley's Home Base Binder Kit to keep them in and further help me get my life, and by proxy, my hubby's life, better organized. At first I thought the binder was something that would better serve a family, a couple with kids, but then I thought, what the heck. I need to be organized now with a system in place before I have kids! Which is a something G and I hope will happen in 2015.

I'm still waiting for the mailman to deliver my worksheets and binder, but I can't wait to receive them! Luckily, Lara recommends waiting to fill out the PowerSheets until you get to section four of the book, so I have some time. As Lara says, there's nothing magical about January 1. I'm not going to fail just because I didn't have all my ducks in a row yesterday. Setting and achieving goals is a journey, a process, and I am looking at the whole month of January as a season for just that.

I'm not necessarily planning on blogging about my whole "Make It Happen" journey, but I wanted to share with you today in case you are looking for some goal planning tools and resources. Even if you're not interested in the book, I'd highly suggest checking out Lara's blog, which is chock-full of inspiring, go-get-em content. (This would be a good place to start.) Not to mention beautiful downloads for your desktop to keep you motivated.

I particularly like these: Go & Do. Because Done is Better than Perfect. So true and yet so hard when you are a perfectionist like me. But I know I need to "stop chasing perfect" because, many times, it's fear of not being perfect that keeps me from getting anything done!

So here's to choosing PURPOSE over PERFECT in 2015. Cheers!

("Make It Happen" images via Lara Casey, 

Home Base Binder via Emily Ley, 

Goal Digger top image via Jenna Kutcher)

Twenty Fourteen

While part of me is ready to get into the new year and make things happen, I thought I should take a moment to reflect on all that has happened this year. 2014 was a time of incredible change. There were some struggles and a bit of hardships along the way, but lots of blessings, too.

This year I finished planning a wedding, got married to the love of my life (and officially became a military wife), honeymooned in Victoria, British Columbia (much-belated post to come one of these days!), celebrated my best friend's engagement and was able to be by her side when she said yes to the dress. Then my new hubs and I set off on a cross-country road trip (where we saw a lot, from the Grand Canyon to New Orleans) that ended in our new home of St. Petersburg, Florida, where we have set up our first house as a married couple in a humble apartment, welcomed a new fur baby into the family, made some new friends, done a lot of exploring (including a weekend getaway to Miami Beach) and a lot of cooking, eating and drinking, if I'm honest. Though I haven't posted much about it here, I picked up a new hobby this year (calligraphy) and so did G (guitar). We celebrated our first married Thanksgiving and Christmas, and tonight we'll have our first married New Year's kiss. 

And, of course, I launched this blog to try and chronicle it all. Thank you for reading, for commenting, and sharing in this crazy journey with me.

(Photos by heidi-o-photo)

Inspiration for the New Year

As we are on the precipice of a new year, I gathered together a collection of inspiring words that I'd like to stitch to my heart and carry with me, to motivate me, through 2015. If I had to choose one simple phrase as a theme of sorts for the coming year, it would be this: BE BOLD. I want to live boldly, laugh boldly, love boldly. I want to embrace the uncertain future and all its possibilities. I want to take risks, do what makes my heart sing and not fear failure. If anything, I want to welcome failure, learn from it, grow from it, and keep on going. I desire bravery, courageousness. I want to cultivate fierceness. As incredibly hard as it is for me, the one who hates change and feeling uncomfortable, I want to break out of the old habits weighing me down, live with intent and create magic.

Of course I'd like to be more organized, quit biting my nails (again!), make healthier food choices, exercise more, get my bank account on an upward swing... All those things I resolve to do every year. But I think that striving to live a more purpose-driven life will lead to a happier and more fulfilled me, and many of those things will just naturally fall into place.

Now, I know there is nothing magic about January 1. And I will need to remember that when I inevitably fumble in my grand (but doable, step-by-step) resolutions. Every day is a new day for a great day. Nevertheless, New Year's Eve does prompt reflection and the feeling that the slate is being wiped clean to start fresh and anew. So tonight, when the clock strikes twelve, I will toast to 2015 and welcome all that is to come and all that can be with open arms and a bold heart.

Do you make resolutions? If you had to pick a word, or a few words, to guide you through 2015, what would you choose?

(Image sources: Fierce, Be Brave, Start Today, Do Things,

 Less Habit, More Intent, She Believed, Don't Compare, 

Go Do Them, Why Not, Happy and Bright, and Magic)

A Coffee Date

Today I had the joy of meeting face-to-face with a new blogger friend, Jen of Letters & Pearls. After about six weeks of getting to know each other via our blogs and Instagram, we decided to meet for coffee at what is veritably Tampa Bay's best gathering place, the Oxford Exchange (which I blogged about before here and here, and Jen wrote about here after visiting on my recommendation!). Since moving from California to St. Pete six months ago, I haven't had the opportunity to make many new friends, so it's been absolutely lovely to start building a friendship with another like-minded gal who gets the ups and downs of military life, and an even bigger pleasure to actually meet in person. Jen is warm, down to earth, and easy to talk to—just as sweet as can be. And super stylish, too! (We both share an affinity for booties, so I wore my new ones for our date.) We joked prior to our meeting that we'd probably be so busy taking photos of the beautiful surroundings at OE that we'd be too distracted to really talk. But the opposite happened! Instead, we were so busy chatting, swapping stories about our hubbies (good ones!) and life as military wives, that I only had a chance to snap the above photo of my vanilla latte (that's a large, gorgeous skylight reflecting off the table). So while I don't have much eye candy to post, I'd say our meeting was a success. Today exemplified, for me anyway, the best part about blogging: connecting with people—and often, kindred spirits—you otherwise may never have met. I'm looking forward to more coffee dates (and wine nights!) in the future.