No Longer Newlyweds : Happy Two Years!

I am so thankful I get to do life with this man, my husband, my best friend. Life isn't always easy, but the struggle is worth it with him by my side and any burden is lessened because he shoulders it with me. When I can't find my strength, optimism or joy, he brings it to me — and makes me believe again. 

These past two years have been filled with more stress than perhaps most newlyweds face, with three moves (San Diego to Florida to New Jersey, and soon, to Alameda), just as many job changes, and other personal health obstacles we weren't necessarily prepared for. But we've also had marvelous adventures in new places and met some wonderful people; all great memories. Yet it's truly those mundane moments — whether we're having meaningful conversation over dinner or we're drinking wine on the couch, being silly and belly-laughing to our core — those are some of the times I cherish most. In the good times as well as the bad, I'm reminded why I love my sweet hubby so much and why I'm lucky to call him mine: He's my anchor, my cheerleader and my soft place to land. Truly, my everything. 

Two years down, forever to go.

Love & the Beach : A Santa Monica Engagement

My best friend is getting married!!!!! I'm so excited for her. (Can you tell?) Right now she is swimming in the sometimes stormy sea that is wedding planning (I know all about it), but the beacon, the lighthouse in the night, is this: She is marrying a great, funny, sweet guy who absolutely adores her. What more could you want for your best friend?

Today I thought I'd share with you some of my favorite takes from Marielle and JP's engagement session. But first, a bit of backstory: I have known Marielle for 21 years, since third grade! We met as 8-year-olds on our elementary school playground in Simi Valley, Calif. I was kind of lonely. My first "best friend" and I had a falling out (drama so young, can you believe it?) so I was spending recess alone, by myself. I saw a group of girls playing together, giggling and having fun, and somehow I summoned the courage to go over to them. I'm not sure how very shy me managed to do that but I'm so glad I did. Because when I asked Marielle if I could play, too, she answered without hesitation and immediately welcomed me into the group. The rest is history! We've been best friends ever since.

Marielle and JP also have a long history. The two have been together since 2008, and they actually got engaged on their six-year anniversary this past March. It was important to them that the engagement happen on their dating anniversary, but JP was still able to keep it a surprise. Marielle didn't think it was happening this year, so she was totally shocked when he got down on one knee at the end of their date night, giving her the intimate proposal she always wanted. JP's sister had covertly placed flowers, candles and a Build-A-Bear teddy on their doorstep for Marielle to find when they came home. When she saw the set-up, Marielle still just thought JP was making a romantic anniversary gesture. But the bear held a special message when squeezed, telling her she was "The One," and when she spun around JP was down on his knee with a ring.

Isn't that just the sweetest?!

It was also important to the pair that they get married on their anniversary date, so the wedding is set for March 27, 2015. They'll be saying "I do" at the gorgeous Malibu West Beach Club. Marielle knew she wanted to get hitched by the ocean, and she wanted her and JP's e-session to reflect a beachy, fun vibe, too. That's why they chose the vibrant and colorful Santa Monica Pier. It was the perfect location for a fun-loving, SoCal couple.

Thanks, Marielle and JP for letting me share! Love you guys! So excited for the big day.

(Photography by Simply Perfect Images)

Six Months a Mrs.

G and I have been married six months today. It's kind of hard to believe, in some ways it feels like the wedding wasn't that long ago. And yet, I can believe it, because so much has happened in those six months. 

That whole moving across the country thing, then finding out we're not going to be here as long as we thought... Welcoming a new fur baby into the family... Struggling to find a job (not to mention local friends)... Pursuing new creative outlets... 

It's been a bit of a bumpy ride, for both of us, though I think we'd also both agree the transition has been tougher for me. And yet, there is no one else I would rather be on this ride with. My husband loves me through my moods and my insecurities. He encourages my dreams. He supports me in my highs and my lows. He tells me I'm beautiful when I feel ugly. He cooks dinner for us almost every night. He is probably a better man than I deserve. Our relationship isn't perfect and I think most newlyweds, if they're honest, will admit that the post-wedding period isn't a non-stop honeymoon. Especially when thrust into the midst of so much change.

We are not perfect, but I like to think we are perfectly imperfect for each other.

I have no doubt the next months and years will hold many more ups and downs, but I feel blessed and lucky to know that I will have G by my side through it all.

Today, the words spoken during our wedding ceremony, when our hearts and lives were bound together forever, are playing back in my head:

May these hands be blessed this day. 

These are the hands of your best friend, full of love for you. 

These are the hands that will work alongside yours, 

as together you build your future, your family. 

These are the hands that will cherish you through the years, 

and with the slightest touch, will comfort you like no other 

when the storms of life break ashore. 

These are the hands that will wipe away the tears from your eyes; 

tears of sorrow, and tears of joy. 

And these are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged, 

will still be reaching for yours.

I'm sure my hubby would smirk at the utterance that today is our "six-month anniversary" but it is kind of wonderful reflecting on this moment half-a-year ago, the commitments and promises made. These words, these memories, fill my heart with joy and remind me where this crazy journey all began... and where it's going.

(Photos by heidi-o-photo)

A Halloween Love Story

[ A kiss during our engagement session. ]

While Halloween has never been my favorite holiday, it will always hold special significance for me and my husband because it is when we officially became a couple. Since our three-year dating anniversary is tomorrow, Oct. 29, I thought I’d share the story of how we met.

[ A sign at our wedding. ]

G and I actually grew up in the same small-ish Southern California town of Simi Valley but we didn’t meet until 2001, when we were sophomores in high school. We are fairly certain our first encounter was not on campus but at the church youth group our mutual friends attended. But soon enough G was part of our close-knit circle of friends, hanging out every weekend, eating lunch together at school. I saw him all the time.

However, we never dated, which I think may be many people’s first assumption when I say we knew each other in high school. Funny enough, one of my longtime girlfriends had a huge crush on G, while I became smitten for his best friend at the time. I even went to prom with him! (Though nothing ever happened, us innocent church kids.) G, on the other hand, went to the prom with my best friend (and maid of honor)—but just as friends. Suffice to say, no one would have ever put G and I together back then.

After graduation, I went off to college (Pepperdine, not far from home) and G joined the Coast Guard, which took him to Virginia, New Jersey, Seattle and Alaska. We kind of lost touch, seeing each other once or twice when G came home to visit. As embarrassing as it is to admit, it was the power of Facebook that reconnected us, and in 2011, after Greg purchased a condo, my best friend and I decided to make a trip to San Diego to see the new place and catch up with our old friend.

[ Exploring San Diego during a Labor Day weekend getaway in 2011. ]

[ Dancing (and sweating) the night away in the Gaslamp. This is the night something changed between us. ]

It was during that Labor Day weekend getaway that we first had feelings—much to our surprise!—that we could be more than just friends. The sparks flew one night while dancing at a club. After that trip, we continued to talk for hours over Facebook messenger or on the phone, but being my insecure self, I was so nervous that he didn’t really like me (that I was making his sweet comments out to be more than they were) or that admitting my feelings could ruin the relationship.

[ A snippet from our first Facebook conversation, when we reconnected in August 2011. ]

The long-distance flirtation lasted for about two months until G journeyed from San Diego to Simi Valley to come with me and my bestie to a Halloween house party. He had invited me to SD, saying the holiday celebration down south would be “epic,” but my best friend had already committed to the house party and I was too nervous to go hang out with G by myself. So he came to me—a fact that my BFF tried to convince me did mean something.

That night, G famously dressed up as Lt. Dangle from "Reno 911!" and he helped me tweak his Coast Guard work uniform into a "sexy Coastie" costume. We were inseparable at the party and late in the night, while talking on the couch, he kissed me. And that was that. The romance became a real relationship.

[ All dressed up at the Halloween party where we had our first kiss and became a couple. ]

I’ll fast-forward the rest of the story: We dated for more than a year and a half until I finally made the move to San Diego. He proposed immediately, in June 2013 during a vacation in Maui, and we were married in La Jolla this past May.

And it all may never have happened if it wasn’t for that Halloween party three years ago. OK. I guess I like this holiday after all :)

The 5 Love Languages : Knowing Yours & Speaking Your Partner's

Do you know your love language? A recent post on one of my favorite blogs reminded me of the Gary Chapman book, “The 5 Love Languages,” that I read in high school. Even though I could remember my love language, per the book’s test, I decided to take the quiz again to make sure—perhaps the way I feel most loved and appreciated had changed in the past decade.

So I took the 30-question survey and found that while some things change, many things stay the same—my love language being no exception.

My primary love language is Words of Affirmation, which was not really a surprise in high school but now that I know myself (and myself in relationships) even better, it’s definitely no surprise today. Hearing “I love you,” “I’m proud of you,” “I appreciate you,” etc., are definitely the things that mean the most to me. I enjoy a thoughtful gift, quality time together or my hubby doing the dishes, but I feel most loved when he tells me he loves me. And it really sends me over the moon if he tells me why. Perhaps it’s the writer in me, but loving words and frequent, intimate communication is what satisfies me emotionally and fills up my love tank. Even when GT and I fight (our “fights” are more serious discussions than screaming matches), I feel more connected to him and more positive about our relationship because we’ve expressed and talked about our feelings, good or bad.

As I did 10+ years ago, I also scored highly in Physical Touch, making it my secondary love language. For me, it’s non-sexual physical touch that is most meaningful. I get warm, fuzzy feelings when GT holds my hand, strokes my hair or gives me a kiss on the forehead, and when we cuddle on the couch while watching TV. Those simple actions make me feel safe and cared for. It’s nice to know someone wants to be around you and close to you, especially when the endgame isn’t getting you into bed. I think I made mistakes in past relationships because I longed to simply be held—and that led to giving too much away. Of course, sex is a happy part of my marriage, but a good morning kiss or a hug when I’m sad is just as beneficial to my relationship as a romp in the sack. (I’m a little embarrassed writing that knowing my mother reads this blog but, oh well! Keeping it real.)

Many couples can face conflict when each person speaks a different love language. It’s natural to show love the way that you feel loved, but that’s not always the best way to make your partner feel appreciated if they don’t share the same love language.

I kindly asked my husband to take “The 5 Love Languages” test (that guy, he’s a trouper, it took hardly any convincing!) and fortunately, and somewhat surprisingly, we share the same love language. We didn’t have the exact same results, but we both had top scores in Words of Affirmation, with Physical Touch as a close second. We are lucky in that the way we feel most loved is often how we show love, too. Nevertheless, it is helpful to be aware of that fact. As much as I desire loving words from my husband, he needs to hear kind, encouraging and positive words as well. And if I want to hold hands or cuddle, I shouldn’t be upset if he isn’t reading my mind—he actually may be waiting for me to make the first move!

Chapman explained the importance of knowing and understanding your love language best:

Knowing how you prefer to be loved is important for your relationship. It’s romantic to think your partner should just know how to love you—but it’s also a bit unrealistic, and can even be unfair to expect something from your partner if you’re not willing to tell him/her how you prefer to be loved and appreciated in your relationship.

Have you heard of “The 5 Love Languages” and do you know yours and/or your partner’s? If you take the quiz (for couples and for singles), I’d be interested to hear your results and reactions. Relationships can be hard and certainly take work, and I look at this as just another tool we can use to make sure we are being the best loving partners we can be.

(Top and bottom images from my wedding, taken by heidi-o-photo. Second image from my 5 Love Languages profile.)